Kyon Likes The Red Room
by Alex McM
Summary: Rumours circulate of a website: The Red Room. If you find it you die. Kyon seeks to prove it is just a hoax, but as North High students start disappearing it becomes unclear. Desperate to uncover the truth, Kyon searches for The Red Room.   Do you like-?
1. Do you like?

_**Kyon Likes The Red Room**_

__I haven't written a real horror story in a while and lately I heard about a little flash animation on the internet called 'the red room'. Those unfamiliar with it can consult wikipedia when they are done with their protests or watch it yourself but unfortunately it is entirely in Japanese and so you won't get much info from there. Well it gets explained throughout so don't worry. Anyway, enjoy and please remember to review!

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><p>I used to believe in weird stuff. I used to fantasise about the extraordinary and the unexplained. Then I reluctantly grew up. Those childish dreams of unusual occurrences and monsters and superpowers and all those things you know you loved as a kid. All of them vanished.<p>

Without a trace.

Never to be seen again.

Then something strange happened to me. I started believing in them again. I've seen evidence that has totally blown my previous scepticism out of the water. I now believe in time travellers, aliens and even espers. In fact I could quite easily start believing in Santa Clause again if a large man with a silver beard acted convincingly enough like Father Christmas. My point being, I have hit a cross roads in my life.

After living so long doubting that anything that odd really existed and now having these aforementioned oddities stuffed in my face I've become unable to refuse their existence. So now I have little choice but to believe in the unbelievable.

To a point.

There are some things that I still just can't accept. Such as the notion of sanity for one Haruhi Suzumiya. A bubbling firecracker of a girl with powers befitting a deity in some long lost religion however entirely unaware of her...Shall we say 'gift'?

Another impossible claim was the one my idiotic friend Taniguchi was hopelessly trying to sell to me like a desperate Jehovah's Witness on one cold Thursday morning.

"I'm serious Kyon! Anyone who actually find this site. They die! Nobody has ever heard from them ever again!"

I looked to my over-excited friend with a look that I sincerely hoped resembled something like smelling manure, because that was basically what was coming out of his mouth.

"So let me get this straight," I said calmly, "there is this silly website called 'The Red Room'..."

Taniguchi nodded his assent.

"...And it is just about impossible to find..."

"Yep!"

"...But on the off-chance that you do find it, you will die. Never to be seen again."

"Yeah! Exactly! Sounds pretty crazy huh?" Taniguchi's face then was painfully optimistic. Why was he buying into these stupid rumours that were probably just started by some bored ten year old in an internet forum as a joke? Why don't you grow up? Or at least try to anyway...

He frowned at that. "So you think I'm lying do you?" I swear he winked at me. Seriously man, don't send mixed messages like that. It's creepy.

"Alright, why don't you prove me wrong? Find 'The Red Room' and come back to school the next day to tell the story!"

You don't really understand. I don't care. I have better things to do than waste my time searching for a prank website hidden in the World Wide Web.

Taniguchi snorted, "No you don't!"

Damn, he's got me there. I really don't have anything to do. Oh well. I might as well humour him. But if I'm going to waste my..._Precious_ time with this silly little game then I might as well make a profit out of it.

"Bet you five hundred yen that it's all a load of crap."

"Deal! It's been nice knowin' ya Kyon!"

We shook hands and then spent the rest of the exhausting trek to school in relative silence.

Class was uneventful that day. Same old, same old really. Each class went in one ear and out the other. I know I should be trying harder if I want to get into college someday but it's not my fault the teachers put zero effort into engaging our fresh young minds.

At lunch Taniguchi and Kunikida sat with me and conversation seemed inexplicably drawn to those stupid rumours about that website.

"You know they say the victims are sometimes found dead, their rooms painted in their own blood!" this was Kunikida who calmly tucked into his lunch while speaking of such things.

"Yeah and rumour has it that a few kids from North High have been reported missing!" Taniguchi as always just had to add fuel to this immature fire. Sure enough there were some empty seats around us, but it's probably a flu going around or something. Just a lucky coincidence to help push along the lie. As if that proved the existence of the site, he looked at me with a dumb face that made me want to hit him, but because I was the only rational thinking person at the table I refrained and kept my dignity intact.

"Kyon's gonna be the next victim! Aren't you Kyon?"

I rolled my eyes and gave the response he was hoping for, "Sure. Why not?"

"Poor guy and you never even got anywhere with Suzumiya." Of course that was Taniguchi. Kunikida has restraint. Thankfully Haruhi wasn't sitting behind me right now; otherwise some real problems would arise. Not some phony website designed to scare mindless kids.

"Hey now, Taniguchi. Why don't you go and find this ill-fated 'Red Room' with me?"

"What? No way! I don't want to die!"

"Oh come on. I'm so sure that this is all a hoax that I'm willing to not only put my life on the line but even our friendship. Oh and your life too. Don't you trust me?" I tried to sound as confident as possible but really I was struggling not to laugh at the garbage coming out of my mouth.

"No!" Taniguchi snapped, "And besides, what happens if you're wrong and we both end up killed?"

"We'll call it a suicide pact and they will have a memorial for us. Besides how am I supposed to prove I live through visiting this damn thing if no-one else tries it with me?"

Thankfully the idea of a screen capture didn't cross their minds and Taniguchi reluctantly accepted. What a moron. But at least this way he can see for himself how foolish he was to believe in such nonsense. A killer website, give me a break.

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><p>That afternoon, when classes had ended I wound up trudging over to the SOS Brigade Clubroom. What is the SOS Brigade you ask? Well it's technically a pointless little gang of oddballs who are all trying to prevent Haruhi from destroying the entire world. However we work under the guise of a school club that...Well I still haven't worked that out. After so long I still haven't realised what my alibi was.<p>

Kind of pathetic...But not as pathetic as those idiots who bought into those rumours that have now spread through the school like the plague.

Even as I made my way to the club-room I heard passers-by chatting away excitedly about how those students had gone missing and the rest of the dumb story.

When at last I arrived at the club-room I clenched a fist and prepared to knock when I overheard a strange sound on the other side of the door. Someone was sobbing, and only one person in our pointless little Brigade has an actual human side and that is Miss Asahina, the lovely time traveller/club-room maid.

My knock was met with a reply lost somewhere between words and animal sounds. Without any real indication as to whether that was a 'yes' or a 'no' I momentarily hesitated, my hand hovering over the door knob like a character in a B-horror movie.

Should I have taken that as a hint to not go inside the door?

Hell no! The lovely Miss Asahina was on the other side, crying like the lost child at a mall. I could never abandon her. I have to protect her since nobody else in our brigade ever will. And so with grim determination I stepped inside.

"Miss Asahina?" my voice cracked midway through. Damn you puberty.

The girl in question was sitting in the chair usually reserved for Nagato, a plain folding chair by the window. She was not wearing her maid outfit today, nor was she busy brewing tea. She was hunched over, her elbows propped up on her knees and her head buried in her hands. Her petite frame shuddered every so often and her exquisite chestnut hair collapsed in long waves across her quivering shoulders.

She did not look up at all. She just kept on sobbing.

"Miss Asahina, what's wrong? Did Haruhi attack you again?"

A weak sob escaped her and the beautiful young maiden lifted her heavy head to look at me. She looked like a drooping flower and the once radiant glow that surrounded her was becoming overpowered by a sense of pity. Asahina cries a lot. It is one of her strong points if you ask me, but I've never seen her like this. Something had to be seriously wrong.

Her eyes were like imperfect diamonds, marred by the bloodshot streaks of red and the dark rings around her eyelids that resembled poorly applied eye make-up. Her lips quivered and her teeth chattered as if she were caught in a blizzard. Her breaths were shallow and erratic. It pained me to see her like this.

I hurried over and draped a comforting arm around her. Usually I would have been fantasising and dreaming at this point but this was serious. I brought my face close to hers and urged her to tell me what was wrong.

Asahina's head bobbed up and down in a slight nod and after a shaky start, she told me.

"Miss...Miss Tsuruya...She...She disappeared!"

My eyes narrowed. I felt a tight pain in my chest, but I had to be sure. "H-How do you know? Are you sure she just isn't sick or something?"

"No. I...I tried calling her for days but...But...But she won't answer! I even went to her house and...And..." She broke down once more, unable to speak again. As the precious young girl cried in my arms I couldn't think of anything else other than that single name that had cursed me to an abnormal life. No matter how fun it seemed on the outside her actions were often times utterly reprehensible.

Why Haruhi? Why would you do this?

There is no good reason for it. What did Tsuruya ever do to you to deserve such a fate? Were you concerned about her stealing your thunder? Is that it? Or were you afraid of adding a new member to the brigade, afraid bringing her in would disrupt what little semblance of peace we still had? No matter what, there is no excuse for causing an innocent human being to vanish off the face of the Earth!

This time Haruhi, you have gone too far!

"-all red..."

"Huh?" I was so deep in thought I'd almost forgotten Asahina's presence. Blasphemy. I only heard the end of whatever she had been trying to tell me and even then I didn't really listen hard enough to decipher them as words. I looked into her eyes, but she struggled to meet my gaze. She would try every so often, only to glance away a few seconds later. "What did you just say?"

I somehow got the impression she was feeling guilty...

I quickly discarded that thought and listened closely as Asahina whispered as softly as the cool flowing breeze:

"Her room...It was all red..."


	2. Do you like red?

I went straight to my room that night. I didn't say a word to my family, nor did I come down for dinner. I just sat on my bed, staring at my computer. No matter how much I believed it to be a lie, what Asahina had said had buried deep inside me now. It gnawed away at my mind, sinking its poisonous fang in to infect my thoughts with doubt.

Asahina would never lie.

Which meant this 'Red Room' might exist.

But surely it can't hurt me. It's just a website right? The only person who could actually cause harm like that would be Haruhi but I doubt she's even heard about it yet. I mean she wasn't at school today either-

…

No. No it's not like that. Haruhi couldn't have disappeared! Without her this world would collapse, at least according to Koizumi and Nagato it will.

Just to be safe I rang her. She answered almost immediately, allowing me to sigh in relief.

"What?" Not even a hello. But I wasn't in the mood to be amused by her eccentricities. Not now. "What? This better not be a prank call or I'll-"

"Hey Haruhi."

"Kyon? What are you calling for?"

"Nothing. I was just...You weren't at school today."

"So? It's not like anything serious happened, I just felt like having a day off."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I heard this rumour a few days ago," She began like an excited young child about to enter an amusement park, "Have you ever heard of the-"

"Red Room? Yes I have."

"Really? Have you found it yet?" Haruhi's boundless energy astounds me, but that only added to my concerns.

"Haruhi, please don't go hunting for that site. I'm begging you." I don't care if I sounded pathetic, grovelling to her over the phone. Dignity won't mean anything when you're dead.

Haruhi considered my plea then breathed heavily into the phone, "Are you _that_ scared?"

"Well..." I needed something to convince her. But how do you convince someone when they are so self-absorbed? Oh right. "I'm just worried about our Brigade Chief. Without you we are nothing. We need our leader."

Haruhi let out a sweet little laugh. It still failed to brighten my spirits but it momentarily slowed my racing heart.

"Alright, if you're that worried about me, I guess it would be dishonourable to go against the best wishes of my minions. See ya Kyon!"

She hung up.

I should have sighed with relief. Instead I found myself drawn to the computer. I stared at my void reflection in the solid black abyss of the screen. It...I couldn't look away. I pried my eyes away and glanced down at the floor but I couldn't hold it for long. I wound up with my gaze focused on the screen once again.

I...I have to...Just to be sure.

I switched on my computer. It let out a mechanical squeal and the darkness became a vibrant sea of colour. Before I could even process what I was doing I opened up the search engine and typed in 'Red Room'. Then I waited.

Nothing.

I tried again, this time with 'Red Room site'. Once again nothing came up. I tried another search engine, then another, then another. I added and took away words and searched for everything I could think of. I looked for every conceivable angle for it, but alas, nothing.

Nothing at all.

This was hopeless. But then surely I'm not the only one searching for it. That's right! Taniguchi! I snatched up my mobile phone once again and rang my friend. I never really rang him often. I guess I'm not the best friend in the world.

I waited for him to pick up, the grating dial tone worming its way through my head. I waited and then I rang him again. Still he didn't pick up. I couldn't help but curse him for not picking up the one time I actually want to talk to him. Still maybe he was having a shower or something? Maybe he was out?

I bided my time and tried again to find the Red Room. Not surprisingly, my efforts were in vain. Not even the slightest clue. I searched forums and blogs but everything they told me was the exact same thing. Nobody knew how to find it.

After twenty minutes of searching through dead ends I tried to call Taniguchi again. I waited and I waited.

Nothing.

I felt about ready to slam my head in the desk. I was working myself into a frenzy over nothing, right? A killer website? Of course it doesn't exist! The only thing on the internet that could ever cause considerable harm was Haruhi's logo for the SOS Brigade. But that malicious data life form was destroyed. So surely these rumours were just smoke and mirrors?

Maybe Tsuruya had gone on holiday? Or maybe she was playing a prank; though playing a prank on Miss Asahina is pretty low.

Either way, searching for the Red Room is pointless. If it's real I will die and if it's fake then I'm just wasting my time. I don't care anymore. I'm done. Done!

I opened up the SOS Brigade website and studied the steadily rising access counter. I guess people were naturally curious, though I doubt anyone would stay long on this home page. All it had was a logo and a counter and...Well nothing else really.

With nothing left to do on the site I closed it down and searched elsewhere for entertainment. I found a music streaming site and killed some time listening to some calming tunes. I needed something to soothe my jangled nerves and it appeared to be doing the trick. I clicked the play button and sat back, a low groan escaping me as I stretched.

Unfortunately the sound quality on this one particular song was rather low and I had to lean forward to hear it. I strained to hear and practically had my face right up against the screen when-

_Anata wa- suki desu ka?_

A sound like radio static sliced through the air and a blood red pop-up appeared out of nowhere. It was then that a young child's voice asked me, "Do you like-?"

I panicked, slamming my hand down on the mouse as fast as possible to close down the unsettling pop-up. My whole body was shaking. My bones rattled and my heart pounded against my ribs so hard it felt like it was about to explode. It hurt to breathe.

I collapsed on my desk and stared at the screen, unable to remove that image from my mind. That sickly sweet voice haunted me beyond anything I could possibly imagine. I still couldn't believe it. I had just found it...Did that mean that I-

_Anata wa – Suki desu ka?_

I jumped in my seat and immediately closed the phantom pop-up. I barely had time to wipe the sweat from my brow when the corner of my screen was once again drowned in red.

_Anata wa-_

I closed it before the ghostly message could be read again. But before I could even blink it was back. I closed it again and again, my fingers frantically stabbing away at the mouse to intercept the ghoulish messages.

_Anata wa-_

_Anata wa- _

_Anata wa- _

I'd lost count of how many times it had appeared. I was so afraid I could barely think straight. But then, I realised...

The question had changed.

The child-like voice returned distorted. The giddy, high-pitched cry had become a scathing, blood-curdling shriek like a rusted gate swaying in the wind.

**_Anata wa aka suki desu ka?_**

What? Do I like red? What the Hell is this? What am I supposed to do? It just won't go away. I tried to turn off the computer but even after holding the power button down for a full minute the screen stayed lit up.

The pop-up vanished.

I looked around my room in a fit of panic. I glanced out the window when that voice like ice crept through my speakers once again.

**_Anata wa aka suki desu ka?_**

I turned slowly, staring at the ominous message once again. I reached out to close it down, but as if it read my thoughts the ad closed itself. Before I could withdraw my hand it returned, this time cutting itself off of its own accord.

**_Anata wa-_**

**_Anata wa-_**

**_Anata wa-_**

"Stop it!" I cried, tears streaking down my face.

The computer fell silent. For a moment there was yet another reprieve, a moment of calm. But then that accursed ad shot up on-screen, the question altered yet again. In thin black scribble the words read: "Do you like the red room?"

Then, the voice, no longer recognisably human but a vicious, rasping snarl from Hell itself erupted from my speakers. The voice of the beast screamed in a fit of rage.

**_ANATA WA AKAI HEYA SUKI DESU KA?_**

Do you like the Red Room?

I wanted to run. I wanted to get out of the room then and there and run for my life. I wanted to cling to my family and hide from the world. But I couldn't. I was paralysed with fear.

The screen was suddenly devoured by a new window, this time a list of names filled the entire screen. None of them meant anything to me, at least until I glanced at the bottom row. The last two names in particular sent chills down my spine and brought waves of bile to the back of my throat. I choked on the very air I was struggling to breathe as I read those names...

Tsuruya...

Taniguchi...

I extended a hand to close the window, my hands shaking visibly, the convulsive shivers sending jarring waves of pain throughout my entire body. I wanted to scream. I stared at the screen and it was then that I noticed something…wrong in the reflection.

Someone was standing behind me. Someone familiar...

A shadow fell across me and before I could even scream a hand covered my mouth.

Then everything I knew was darkness.

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><p><span>The nightmare is not yet over. Don't miss the next chapter! Now please review. <span>


	3. Do you like the red room?

My head was spinning. A headache unlike anything I had ever felt before had me curled up in a ball. What on Earth just happened? Did they club me over the head and forget to finish me off? Or were they leaving me alive because they wanted to see me suffer?

No! Stop thinking like that dammit! I'm alive and that means I have a chance! I just have to-

'thud'

What was that? I couldn't even see my own hand in front of my face! It was pitch black in here. I sat up and looked around despite not being able to see anything. It just felt reassuring somehow. The light thud came again, closer this time and I cautiously slid backwards until I hit something. A wall. Just a wall, but it still forced me to jump.

"Now, now, don't be afraid. I promise I won't hurt you. The worst part is over now."

A voice, unnaturally calm and yet vaguely lyrical, almost as if the person was singing a lullaby to soothe an infant to sleep. I wouldn't be sleeping, that's for sure. Not after what I'd just experienced. The strange adventures I had gone through with the SOS Brigade were trivial compared to this. They were like children's games. I had never been more terrified than when I heard the man come closer. His footsteps in the otherwise silent space were deafening now.

I held my breath and tried to blend into the darkness. I couldn't see him so naturally he shouldn't be able to find me...Right?

"Found you." He chirped.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I screamed. I tried to resist, kicking and punching furiously, flailing my arms about frantically in a desperate attempt to ward him off. But then another pair of hands caught my arms and held them back. Cool breath misted across the nape of my neck and I heard someone else whisper in my ear.

"Hey now buddy. Just relax. We need you alive for this."

Those words had me screaming louder. The message was fearsome enough, but the voice sounded far too familiar. I fought off as best as I could but then more pairs of hands took hold. I was too afraid to count them but soon I was lifted up off the ground. I felt weightless.

I don't know how far they carried me but I was eventually dropped down on something soft, a cushion? Or a mattress? A corpse? My hands snaked out and ran over the surface of the object. Thankfully there were no anatomical features. But that didn't do much to calm me down.

I could hear voices all around me now. Their words were foreign to me, my mind unable to process what was being said. All I could fathom was that I was trapped, surrounded and unable to escape.

I was going to die.

"Shall I turn the lights on now? He is gone after all." It was the calm male voice again. Soon enough artificial light burned my eyes and forced me to squeeze them shut and blink rapidly like a seizure victim. When they were adjusted to the light I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings.

Red.

The only word needed to describe it. Everything. The walls, the ceiling, even the lounge I was dumped on. All of it was blood red. Even the light had a weak red filter to it that cast a crimson haze over everything else.

But I was not alone. A young man stood across from me, a truly sickening smile on his face.

"I bet you were pretty scared? I'm sorry about that but really it was the only way-"

"Koizumi you bastard! What the Hell are you doing? What is all this? Why am I-"

"Don't worry Kyon; we aren't going to hurt you." I too was cut off by a sweet effeminate voice to my right. It was unmistakeable, a voice that I would recognise no matter what. But my ears had to have deceived me. Why would I be hearing her voice here?

"Miss Asahina?"

The petite young girl stepped out in front of me and offered a sympathetic glance. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

That offered some consolation but not much. Still, what is going on? Where am I and why are you two here?

As always Koizumi puffed up his chest and prepared a cheesy smile before explaining. "I suppose I should take this question. You are here because you found the Red Room."

That answers nothing!

"Well, the Miss Asahina you see before you is not from this current time plane. In fact she is from a month into the future." A month into the future. So that is why the Asahina from the present was still upset and terrified of Tsuruya's disappearance. "Indeed. You see, in one month's time the Red Room phenomena will become a reality. I assume you can grasp who is responsible for this."

Haruhi...It's always Haruhi...

"Correct. You see the Red Room is all just an urban legend. A prank pulled on the internet; however Miss Suzumiya doesn't like childish pranks. In fact she much prefers the real thing. You see when Haruhi finds out the Red Room is nothing more than an internet prank she will become distressed and angered and subconsciously wish for a real Red Room phenomena. This of course results in many mysterious disappearances and casualties. A disaster we cannot allow to occur."

"And so I was sent back here to stop Miss Suzumiya from creating the real Red Room." Miss Asahina added, a concerned frown on her face.

So what does that have to do with abducting people? And you still haven't told me where I am!

Koizumi flashed his fake smile, "Of course. You remember what I had prepared when we visited the remote island for our summer vacation?"

How could I forget? You staged a murder and had all of us petrified.

"Well by staging a murder and simulating a closed circle case, Miss Suzumiya never had the desire to wish for it herself which would have been quite problematic if I do say so myself. The same goes for our situation here. By 'claiming' those who have found the Red Room we can convince Miss Suzumiya that it is real. If she is frightened enough she may well wish for it to not exist, thus solving our problem and ensuring no unfortunate implications in the future."

I still hate you. I don't care if this is going to save lives there is no excuse for scaring people like that! What if they had a heart-attack? What if they are traumatised for the rest of their life for this? Then what are you going to do?

"There are necessary risks and sacrifices involved in our duties. Sometimes we cannot avoid dragging innocent people into our missions but we only do so when absolutely necessary. This is one such situation."

"You're a bastard. I won't forgive you. Now for the last time where the Hell am I?"

"Oh yes I almost forgot. This is a manor house owned by the Agency. I've rented it out to house all of our 'victims'. The red paint suits our predicament does it not?" I doubt its coincidence. Your Agency buddies probably repainted the whole house just for this.

"Wait a minute! The others are here too?" I asked incredulously. I was still having trouble coming to terms with all this. I was certain I was going to die. So terrified that I nearly wet myself and now it turns out it is all just a bloody game Koizumi is playing!

"Everyone who has found the Red Room is here right now; however you cannot see them just yet. Miss Nagato has put them all to rest while we go about our work."

I should have guessed Nagato was involved. She probably hacked the website and Koizumi arranged this house. But...How in the world did they abduct me?

"I bet you're wondering how we found you and brought you here?" Koizumi managed to guess the question before it even rolled off my tongue. Can he read minds after all? I mean he is an esper.

"Well Miss Nagato altered the data for the Red Room program so that it can be monitored at all times. We set up a trigger, namely the SOS Brigade homepage. Whenever that site is activated the program would begin downloading in the background and within a few minutes it would automatically run. Thus the ads appear." Koizumi didn't even stop to breathe as he explained, "At this point Nagato would receive a transmission, an alert that someone has found the Red Room. It is a simple task for Miss Nagato to track the location of the signal and then Miss Asahina can take her role into action."

Asahina took over while Koizumi caught his breath, "By the time we know where the person is, the program will have already finished running before we can get there. That is why we have to travel back in time to the exact point before the program finishes and take them with us to this point in time. Miss Nagato then freezes the time in each respective room where they are all resting and when Miss Suzumiya eventually destroys the program they can be returned to the time in which they were taken and resume ordinary life."

I'm confused.

Not that his explanations ever really help, but Koizumi tried to assist, "The short version is this. By taking the victims away Miss Suzumiya will be frightened into negating the existence of the Red Room program. When this has become an established fact that this site never existed, all of the victims can be returned to their original time and life will resume as normal. It is a complicated matter but as long as you have this basic grasp of the situation you are ready."

"Ready for what?"

Koizumi chuckled, "Why, your role of course."

"What? What do you want _me_ to do?"

"I'm surprised you don't already know," Koizumi smirked, "That mysterious person who abducted you back there...It was you."


	4. The Red Room

So...Some weird stuff has happened to me lately. I indulged my friends in searching for a website that is supposed to kill people. It was a prank of course, all a set-up but still I fell for it and it embarrasses me to say so but for a moment I honestly believed it was real. Well, you see it sort of is real. But the really weird thing is, the one behind all the abductions is...

Well it's me.

And yet I was one of the 'victims'. I know right? Weird. But see here is the really screwed up part. I was standing in my own house, hiding behind the curtains with Miss Asahina and Nagato. Why were we hiding? Well I was watching myself searching endlessly for that damned Red Room website.

The screen lit up with the SOS Brigade logo. This was when the program had initiated. This was the point where Nagato received the alarm in Koizumi's distant manor house. This was where Mikuru took me back in time to abduct me. Now all I have to do is capture myself without being seen...

By myself...

Confused? It's complicated. You have every right to be. Even I am a little sketchy on the details, but my mission is for certain. I have to do this right. I have to abduct a bunch of people and scare Haruhi into wishing the website into non-existence. Then everybody can return home and forget this whole ugly mess ever happened.

The first pop-up appeared. Watching myself freak out like that is just so strange. Is this what an out of body experience is supposed to be like? Anyway the voices still creep me out and I had to look away for a while. My partners in crime seemed undeterred by all of this. In fact I think Asahina was smiling. Smiling at my terror, my fear and irreparable mental scarring.

Why Miss Asahina, why? Please don't laugh at my misery...

The question changed. My other self was so terrified I could feel his chills in my own body, which is still technically his body but, then again it isn't, but it is so...Oh how I hate this. Why is time travel so damn complicated? Why is my _life _so damn complicated?

Well that's an easy one. Haruhi is at fault here. God, what I would to just start over and not have to deal with this life full of unimaginable strangeness. Actually I should take that back. I know what it is like to live in a world without all of this hassle and honestly it was so much worse...

I guess life is just a lose-lose situation. For me at least.

The list appeared. I screamed. No, not me...Uh...Me...No wait...Him! Who is technically me.

Dammit! I guess it's time.

It's show time!

I slipped out from the shadows behind the curtains and flexed my fingers as I silently crossed over to my fortunately distracted self. I glanced down at the screen and studied both my reflections, one screaming, one frowning. They were both in pain but I guess the other guy was getting the raw end of the deal here.

The old me tried to spin around and catch a glimpse of the looming shadows hanging over him but I quickly put myself in a headlock, covering his mouth with a gloved hand and holding him still while Nagato leaned down and bit his neck. I felt a tingling on my neck as I watched the scene unfold like something out of a cheap, badly produced vampire flick. The nanomachines worked quickly, placing his nervous system in a state of lock-down and knocking him (Me) out cold.

I watched myself fall unconscious. It was oddly fascinating but really disturbing all the same, like watching a snuff film. I let go and looked over to the others. Miss Asahina smiled with the warmth of the sun and Nagato gave me a five minute speech on how well I had done. I'm joking of course. Our conversation was basically, "..."

"..."

"..."

"Let's go."

Now, it doesn't matter whether you are the victim or the perpetrator, time travel knocks you around a bit but since Nagato wouldn't even blink if she was hit by a train and Mikuru is used to it I was the only one moaning and groaning on the floor of the manor when we returned. Well one of us anyway, the other guy was down for the count.

Nagato gingerly carried my body to one of the spare rooms and set him down on the floor, crossing his arms so he looked like a vampire without his coffin. She didn't move a muscle as she breezed through one of her unnerving spell incantations that sounds like a tape on fast forward. I could have tried to listen in on her chanting and guess what she was saying but anything that I could decipher sounded like computer coding read aloud. I gave up after a while and just waited until she left the room and closed the door. She stared at me for a long moment and I was half expecting her to ask me something or speak but I guess that's asking for too much and in the end she just shuffled off and sat down near an old computer monitor in the corner of the main hall.

"So, I assume it went well?" Koizumi asked, appearing out of the corner of my eye like an unwanted sales assistant. I didn't exactly know how to answer to that so I let Miss Asahina answer instead.

"Yes! Now that Kyon is here we can finally get started!"

"Excellent, the faster we do this the better."

"Hang on-"

"Are you ready to go?" Koizumi interjected without even giving me a chance to protest. This is ridiculous! If I'm part of the plan why am I the one being kept out of the loop? Ready for what? What did she mean 'get started'?

"Well that's obvious," Koizumi chirped. I was already dreading the answer. "You've got to go back and bring everyone else in. You're the demon after all."

I tried to protest but yet again nobody cares what I think and I was just dragged along for the ride anyway. Isn't it nice when everyone cares? Is it? I wouldn't know. I'm just a guinea pig to these people. But at least I'm doing something.

* * *

><p>As I said, time travel is complicated. It took twelve hours to abduct all the victims on that list, but in that manor house only forty-five seconds had passed in all that time. I had to go get Taniguchi, the fool crying like a little girl when the pop-up's appeared. Something about it was really quite funny and I had to resist the urge to laugh at him and give away my position. I managed to restrain myself and pounced on him before he could run away screaming.<p>

Kunikida ended up finding the site as well, in an internet cafe. Boy that was a tough one. Stealth and hiding aren't that easy when you're stuck in a crowd. I'll give him credit though, he never screamed throughout it all, merely shivered a little, but the guy next to him was too busy buying something on EBay and the girl on his other side was watching kitten videos on YouTube and was laughing too hard to take notice of the quiet attack right beside her. I guess it was lucky Kunikida had headphones in when he found the site.

Every single member of the computer society ended up going missing too. I've never seen people freak out that much, though half of it was out of excitement but still they were so damn loud I'm surprised people two blocks away didn't notice. Being clumsy and slow worked in our favour though. They were easy targets.

Tsuruya wouldn't stop laughing. Seriously. I don't know whether that is her coping mechanism with fear or she had just had a mental breakdown and gone insane but she was hysterical when we found her. She was howling like a hyena and Mikuru was so frightened she ended up hiding until we had her knocked out, which, I must say, was like wrestling a crocodile. Damn her and her martial arts. She may not have seen my face but she sure as Hell dealt a few nasty blows to my face.

We called it a day after capturing a wild Tsuruya. I had to sleep on the couch since most of the rooms were taken but at least I had the gloriously sparkling smile of Miss Asahina to soothe my pain. She stayed by my side and kept watch over me because apparently Tsuruya's roundhouse kicks can cause concussion. I made a personal note that day, never, and I mean _never_ make Tsuruya angry ever again! The only upside aside from somehow saving the world was that Miss Asahina played nurse for me. She even wore a nurse costume, though I have no idea where it came from. I thought all the costumes were in the club room, unless Koizumi brought some over just in case she got bored? Anyway the icepack she pressed against my bruised cheek made my face go numb and it sort of felt like I'd had a stroke but I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world.

I would have liked to spend more conscious time with Miss Asahina but I drifted off after a short while, my last sight being the angelic smile of the time travelling nurse.

* * *

><p>Sleep is a luxury and luxury is something that I'm not allowed to have, at least not anymore. So I should have expected a rude awakening at whatever ungodly hour it was I was shaken awake by Koizumi and Miss Asahina. I almost head-butted the both of them when I shot upright and my sudden movements seemed to frighten the young time traveller and she scrambled back a little to escape my wrath, not that I would ever hurt her, but maybe she sensed my murderous intent aimed at Koizumi. Seriously, how can you smile like that at a time like this? Do you even sleep? I bet he still smiles even when he does sleep. But anyway that's another story.<p>

Mikuru and Koizumi both moved aside and gave me room to stand up. Nagato stood waiting for me near the door, her pretty painted eyes as always unmoving. In fact even as she spoke her mouth barely opened enough to be recognised. She would make an excellent ventriloquist.

"Someone has accessed the Red Room." she explained quite simply. At least that was one of Nagato's strong points. Usually her explanations were simple, at least when she used real words. An extended conversation with her usually lasts about thirty seconds give or take so if ever you need a quick explanation that you have a 30% chance of understanding give Nagato a try.

I just looked at Nagato through the blurry haze of exhaustion. I know to my eyes it looked like there were three copies of her and all of them were swaying like trees in the wind, but that was another of Nagato's strong points. She tends to stay perfectly still at most times, rooted to the ground even. It makes it easier to find her when she never wanders off.

Nobody else seems to speak. It looks like they don't want to, as if mentioning whatever is on their minds would somehow doom them. Judging from that I think I can gather what is going on.

Haruhi had discovered the Red Room.

Koizumi looked really concerned. "I'm afraid she found it. We hadn't really counted on this..."

What do you mean? You have a plan for everything you sneaky bastard and even if _you _don't Nagato knows what to do right?

Their expressions were ashen, "I'm sorry, we really didn't prepare for this event. I guess I've been thwarted by Miss Suzumiya yet again." Stop smiling!

"Well...What do we do?" I asked.

"Well...We can't keep her here. We'll have to frighten her so badly that she wished for the Red Room to be a joke and then everything should correct itself and we'll be safe."

"So how do we do that then?"

Koizumi smirked, already pulling a couple of aces from up his sleeve. Damn him and his overconfidence. "Perhaps we can kick things up a notch. If Nagato could distort the data in Miss Suzumiya's room we may be able to frighten her quite a lot. Could you do that Miss Nagato?"

All eyes fell on the tiny robotic doll who nodded like a puppet on half-worn strings.

"Alright then! Let us all go and show Miss Suzumiya the true meaning of fear!"

Everyone gathered in a cramped little circle and then Miss Asahina did her thing and took us back in time...

* * *

><p>Something was wrong.<p>

When we arrived there was no screaming, no hysterical laughter either. There was no noise, except for the humming fans in the computer monitor and our own ragged breaths. Damn, time travel makes you feel like you've been trampled on by a crowd. I was so exhausted I practically collapsed into the centre of the room and right into plain sight.

But no-one was around to see me.

The room was devoid of life, except for the flickering computer screen. The lights were off so only the dull light oozing from the screen allowed us to see anything. The weak light called to us and like helpless sheep we herded around the study desk and leaned over the monitor. I squinted at the large red page that had appeared on-screen. It was a list of names, except it was written in a slightly different hand, more violent and haphazard than Nagato's printed script.

Everyone stared at the last name on the list. Haruhi Suzumiya.

Silence hung over us for quite some time until we managed to find the ability to speak again, but even so, the words that were to escape us were too unbelievable to be taken seriously. But it _was_ serious, _dead_ serious.

"It's...It's..." Mikuru wheezed.

"The Red Room is real." I gasped.

"Indeed," Koizumi sighed heavily, his smile gone for the first time ever. "We were too late..."

Well, what do we do?

"What can we do?" Koizumi shot back, his voice as flat as tap water.

Throughout it all Mikuru was sobbing. She was from the future; she knew what was going to happen. Only she knew of the horrors that lay in wait in the not too distant future. But surely even if the website was real...It couldn't be that bad right? It's not like it can hurt you if you don't go searching for it. But I guess it must be serious. Miss Asahina was a nervous wreck, about to break down at any moment. I took it upon myself to try and console her while listening in on Koizumi's sombre conversation with himself.

Nagato remained silent the entire time. As usual she didn't move either. But then it happened. While we were still standing around, gawking like idiots, Nagato made a sudden jerking movement as if she were jolted by a cattle prod and then she spoke. Her voice sounded strange, with a pitch like that of a grating, rusted old hinge. Her words seemed to have no meaning at first, but then it truly sank in. The gravity of her words was crushing, suffocating, chilling.

"Do you like the Red Room?"

* * *

><p><span>Well that was fun. I want to write a few more stories based on Japanese urban legends, it's really fun. I hope you enjoyed this little adventure. Please remember to review and as always, thank you ever so much for reading!<span>


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